Updated: Jul 7, 2020
Ever since we learned that the Queen has been rocking the same nail polish since 1989 we can’t stop thinking about it. Essie, Ballet Slippers has been on permanent manicure rotation and even the Queens cuticles have had enough! Can you imagine staring down at your hands and seeing the same basic-bitch nude nail varnish every bloody day for over 20 years? Jesus.
Royal protocol says that all females should only wear nude nail varnish and nothing else. So all British blue bloods (or those who willingly marry into the family) can forget about a sexy red and a solid black is completely out of the question. If they even think about glitter they’ll be getting a written warning from the Buckingham Palace nail polish police department. BUT, there are plenty of other great nude nail polishes and Queen Biz obviously doesn’t know about. So here’s our pitch Biz.
5 nude nail polish colours fit for a Queen.
Not too far different from Essie Ballet Slippers but a little more flirty. Also, OPI has most street cred in the manicured community. Basically the same way Impulse deodorant has street cred in the teenage girl locker rooms.
While this name might be a little suggestive, the colour is perfect. A solid pastel with floral tones which highlight the blush tones of the delicate royal hands. Stop it! Rossy is so good at this she might get herself a gig as a nail polish copywriter.
C’mon! This one is dying for a chance to grace the fingernails of the Queen while she sips a cup of tea. Also, it’s made in London (presumably) so they can just drop off a crate of the stuff on the lawn out the front of the palace. What are you doing Biz get on it!
If we were in marketing we’d have Sarah Fergie Furguson be the face of this brand because she is the funniest person ever to be associated with the British Royal family. Imagine billboards of Fergie wearing this nail polish giving everyone the finger?! It would be flying off the shelves.
Would the 94-year-old British Queen look better nude? We’re not convinced, but this Melbourne based Vegan nail polish label could really do with your support now Biz. If Meghan we’re still a royal she’d give them some air time… just saying.
Right, so there you have it. Loads of options for the royals to explore. Also, did you know that the Queen has a favourite pair of shoes? Her Gucci Horsebit Loafers (which she wears all the time and even before they were trendy), is always on her feet and if we find out she has been wearing these for the last 20 years we will have to send Stella McCartney over to stage an intervention.