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5 things I would do if I were the secret heir to the British throne

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So imagine you find out you are the secret heir to the British throne but you were ill prepared to pursue acknowledgement and your rightful possessions and privileges. It would kind of be like winning the lottery and losing your ticket - a big fat wasted opportunity.

Well, good news because if Rossy was to discover she was the secret heir to the British throne she is ready.

Here are the 5 things I would do if I were the secret heir to the British throne in order of priority.

  1. Send the palace threatening DM’s every hour on the hour

I would have a carefully crafted threatening message saved in my notes and then subsequent replies depending on what the palace would come back to me with. Then back it up with written correspondence via email and snail mail until I got the recognition and an all expenses paid lifestyle including an apartment at Kensington palace and a pony.

  1. Buy a jag and get a custom paint job - just the union jack

Clearly I’ve been watching too much ‘Made in Chelsea’ but since Princess Margarat god rest her soul died there is no one in that family with any pizzazz. So I’d start off by rolling into kensington Palace in my custom painted jag convertible. One single union jack across the body of the car and tinted windows of course.

  1. Change my inst handle to @bojosboss

Why doesn’t Biz have this as her IG nadle anyway. She is BoJo’s boss and I think he should be reminded that while he sits in the Prime Ministers seat he is not in the throne and therefore not the actual boss of England.

  1. Have them name a town hall or a theatre after me

Doesn’t even need to be in a fancy part of London I’d take the masonic hall in Croydon or even a remote village 45 minutes out of town. Just something cute and nicely painted to reflect my personality.

  1. Take up narcotics

Obviously. How else would you be able to struggle through the pressure of Royal life..?

So what would you do if you were the secret heir to the British throne..?’ If you’ve got any ideas drop us a line at

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