Alright team, time to calm the fuck down a bit. And God bless Hello! for bringing us a soft and entirely pointless story this week about the name Princess Charlotte has for Daddy Wills. Plot twist: it’s Papa. We did warn you just before how pointless this story is. But it did get us thinking about the royal monikers of yonder so he’s a recap. Pour yourself a cup of decaf tea, maybe a valium or two and let’s get into it.
Queen Elizabeth II: “Cabbage”
We were going to call bullshit on this one until one of the consultant’s on The Crown confirmed it (those bastards don’t fuck around). Apparently “cabbage” is a wonky translation from the French "mon petit chou," which means both “my little darling” and “my little cabbage” and Phil-The-Greek uses it all the time when referring to Biz. ‘Tis cute. And smelly and kinda gassy but sure.
Prince William: “Wombat”
As most Aussies know, wombats are known for having hard heads and being a bit dumb, but Diana called Wills her wombat during that tezz trip down under probably because it’s a hilarious word. Oh Diana, so good. Apparently it stuck. The best ones always do don’t they?
Prince Harry: “H”
Duchess Katherine: “Kath”
Prince Charles & Duchess Camilla: Fred & Gladys
Oh these two scallywags have been calling each other by these nicknames for donkey’s years and it really pissed Diana off when Charles sent Camilla a bracelet with with ‘G’ and ‘F’ engraved that one time BEFORE the wedding. What a jerk.
Annnnnd don’t forget to listen to We’ll Never Be Royals wherever you get your podcasts (but actually only Spotify and Itunes).