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Euro Royals - Liechtenstein

Liechtenstein; hard to spell, even harder to get your money out of apparently.


LK and Rossy kick it off with a pearler of a quiz about royals all over the world. The chrysanthemum throne is the massive one in Japan, Biz is the world’s oldest reigning monarch (like duh) and Victoria and her big undies have their bloodlines in pretty much every royal family in Europe. Tavolara is the world’s smallest kingdom but also an “imaginary state”? We don’t get it either but good for them.

And then BAM! We’re in the hilariously small nation state of Liechtenstein. This researcher can confirm, that despite only having a population of 37,000 they do in fact have a Maccas. Notable menu items include the “quinoa curry burger” and something called “creamy deluxe potato sauce”.


So royals. The House of Liechtenstein is run by this rich and dodgy bastard called Hans Adam II He owns basically everything, including the largest private banking group. More on that later.

Hans Adam’s dad was Prince Franz Joseph II. He got the throne off his uncle, also called Franz (stick with us here). Franz I is best known for setting tongues wagging because WAIT FOR IT he married a jewish widow. I know! Franz’s brother, Johann, was the monarch at the time of their wedding. And Johann was not having any of it but then he died so it didn’t much matter. But then, Franz I and his Jewish wife couldn’t have babies so nek minut Franz is handing over the reigns to his nephew, Prince Alois, but then (like they all do) he wanted to have sit down. So then his son, our mate Franz Joseph II got called up. What a shit show.


So this Hans Adam kid has been monarch since the 80’s and married a lady called Mary who looks like that actress from Upper Middle Bogan. They had 4 kids which is a respectable amount. The most notable one is Tatjana who has SEVEN CHILDREN (which is not a respectable amount) and they’re all called some version of Maria. It’s …. Wild?


Anyway, Liechtenstein is not super progressive. Took ‘em ages to give women the vote and this Hans Adam fella keeps giving himself more power and using the tax haven status to take people’s money (and Ikea’s) and then like, not give it back.


Whatever. We’re still gagging to go there and try the potato sauce and figure out once and for all what private equity actually is.


So …. See you there?


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