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Euro Royals - Norway


So we’ve made our way through Europe and have ended up in Norway for the season one finale of We’ll Never be Royals. Luckily the Norwegians are heaps fun and for shits and giggles LK and Rossy have another burl at Cruise Marry Shag but only half-arsed the Quiz, because, we’re not going to lie - it’s a bastard to edit. Listen now!


We start off with some info for your useless fact book which LK sourced from the interweb. She’s not sure of the exact website or if it’s true but apparently the last time everyone was on the earth all together was in October, of some year (which Rossy cannot recall at the time of print) because since then at least one person has been at the International Space Station. The key takeaway here is that LK and Rossy’s whole intent behind this podcast, and brand, is to deliver interesting information to you, the people, with very little prior knowledge of the topic. They learn the facts (and non-facts) with the listener (sometimes at the exact time of recording) to ensure a no-bullshit approach to shit we probably all should know. There’s no judgement if you don’t know about shit you should know about, and wouldn’t it be boring if everyone knew the same shit anyway? LK and Rossy just want to learn about shit that they don’t already know about and maybe either do you. You know..?


Well shit, that went on for way too long. How about them royals?


Norwegian Royal Families

LK thinks she has found a pearler quiz for Rossy, as it will determine if Rossy could be Meghan Markle's best friend. The truth is Rossy already knows this to be true as she has spent countless hours researching Meghan’s life and knows a lot of shit about her. Little of which is included in this quiz. Turns out Rossy needs to read up on Meghan’s life if she is ever going to replace Jessica Mulroney as BFF.


So let’s get to the Norwegians, cos they are dope. Or as LK’s husband says: ‘dope titties’. The first thing to remember is not to get distracted by their names especially as there was a King named Olav. Like from Frozen but with a v at the end instead of an f, but it sounds the same and is just as fun.


So back in the day, King Harald fell in love with a shopkeeper commoner named Sonja and even though his Dad, Olav, was not very happy about it they ended up together. The best thing about being heir to the throne is that you can threaten to never have children in a revenge tactic. This is how Harald ended up getting Olav’s blessing so that his family’s Kingdom didn’t get handballed to some Swedish bozo. Anyway, Harald and Sonja have two kids and their daughter Marta Louise didn’t qualify as heir, due to being a female (that shit rule is no longer a thing in Norway though) so she now lives in the woods and is quite spiritual. Drives a ute and presumably smokes a bit of pot. Good on her.


Her brother Crown Prince Haakon is married to Mette Marit who a) was a single Mum when they got married and b) is allegedly mates with Geoffrey Epstein. Yikes.


The other fun thing about the Norwegians is that they are the world’s poorest royal family as they are not bankrolled by the Norwegian taxpayer. Norwegian royals are encouraged to get real jobs and sometimes even catch the train to the footy. Prince Haakon has been driving an electric car for ages and they are all very environmentally conscious. Kate probs shouldn’t have worn a fur hat to visit them that one time, but oh well she needs to make mistakes every now and then to give the others a chance we guess.


Season Finale

So that’s it for season one of We’ll Never be Royals. We’ll catch you in a few weeks for season two. See you all of a sudden.


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