Queen Elizabeth I (the virgin Queen) and secret son Arthur

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Ok guys you already know by now we are all about a conspiracy theory and when Rossy went rooting around in Queen Elizabeth’s dirty laundry she found a secret son named Arthur, and by jolly we are excited.

So you might remember this bloke on the goldy who reckon he is the Secret Son of Charles and Camilla. If you haven't listened to our thoughts on Secret Son Simon then you defs need to go and have a listen to that ep - it’s a LOL. But anyway we love the idea of a love child making an appearance when it is most convenient to them and secret son Arthur is no different. Except this scandal is way better cos his Mum was the virgin Queen.

Righto so let’s back up. Queen Elizabeth was never married and she never had any kids. She was also the eldest living royal (at the time) and not for nothing - that’s got to be the reason. But turns out she was in love with her mate Robert Dudley who was married - bummer. So Elizabeth just casually wove into the conversation that if Rob’s wife was to ever kick the bucket she would call shotgun. Then Rob’s wife died because she fell down a flight of stairs and if that ain't suss I don’t know what is.

A little while later Elizabeth did a little reshuffle in the palace and conveniently moved Rob’s bedroom next to hers. Within the year Elizabeth was bedridden with a rare illness that made her body swell which is precisely what happens during pregnancy. Just saying.

OK, so now we get to Secret Son Arthur. As an adult, he was arrested by the Spanish because they reckoned he was a spy. In an attempt to regain his freedom Arthur told them that he was actually the Secret Son of Queen Elizabeth I and Robert Dudley. The Spanish then buy this story and decide to a) set him free and b) make sure he was kept safe. Secret Son Arthur was released and never heard of again.

So the moral of the story is if you ever get arrested, make up a story about being a secret child of the Royal family and you’ll be aces.


To keep up with all the royal fab-u-lous-ness, tune into We’ll Never Be Royals wherever you stream your pods.

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