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ROYAL FAMILY NEWS: Who The F*ck Is Samantha Markle Actually?

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You might have seen this Kim Katrell look-a-like getting around the pages of the Sun for a few years now and thought, “what’s the deal with that crazy half sister of Meghan’s?” And babes, we have some answers for you.


She’s from Florida. And if you’ve ever been to Florida, you might understand why you don’t want that being the lead of your bio. OK, don’t cancel us, Florida, we’re sorry. It’s just that Florida does seem to create an environment where crazy can flourish unchecked. It’s all the heat and alligators.

Her birth name was Yvonne and as we all know now, there is a bit of argy bargy about whether her last name has always been Markle or if she’s just trying to cash in on Meg’s a bit more. We don’t know why the Express can’t pull the paper trail on this once and for all and just bring us the answer but they are focusing an awful lot on Ghislaine Maxwell lately so we’ll give them a pass.


She bloody loves to talk to the press. About anything. Mostly Meghan, but also ANYTHING. We could link you to all the articles but honestly, it’s just too much. Basically whatever Maghan says, Samantha says isn’t and whatever Meghan does, Samantha says don’t. It’s a horribly sad way for sisters to behave but also a little bit sometimes entertaining.


She also used to love tweeting and then got banned. This is pre Trump so kudos for setting trends.

She wrote a book to blow Meghan’s cover and expose her as a calculated diva that is trying to destroy the whole world. And she’s implied that there will be at least one sequel. We’re not sure what to make of the reviews. Actually, we should cover it on Mates for Rates.


Oh and her partner's name is Mark Phillips which is coincidentally the same name of Princess Anne’s first husband. Our Samantha has been married a few times actually, no judgement.


Royal Family News


We’ll defs let you know when and if ol’ Sam says anything of note about the fam. Until then, we recommended cancelling your google alert. It’s not quite Ghislaine Maxwell sad, but it is messy and not a family dynamic we’d wish on anyone.


Wow that ended on a calmer note than we expected.


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