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Royal Recap - Week One

Guys. It’s been a week. But we feel like we could say that every week with this lot. The Windsor-Moubtbatten family have been popping up in the media with the shit is hitting the fans in more Castles than one. LK and Rossy are frothing it!

Here’s our Royal Recap for this week.

So first up, Harry and Megs ironically remove themselves from self isolation to return to the UK for what is their last royal engagement, attending the Commonwealth Day service held at Westminster Abbey last Monday. Wills and Kate gave them the ‘you're on my shit list - what are we going to do about Christmas - why are you wearing that ridiculous green outfit - I’m not angry just disappointed’ look and then take a seat in front of them. Body language experts say this is bad but you don’t really need to be an expert at anything to know that Harry ‘done fucked up’ here.

Nek minute some Russian YouTube pranksters pretend to be Greta Thunberg and call Harry for D&M’s. Harry doesn’t even switch the call to FaceTime, he just continues to bang on about his private life and The Sun is absolutely kicking themselves for not thinking of this! Harry reveals that he has had to make a difficult decision. We can feel him getting all misty-eyed when before he goes on to say:

"And this decision certainly wasn't the easy one but it was the right decision for our family, the right decision to be able to protect my son."

Oh Haz, Diana would be proud as punch… apart from the bit where you reveal intimate details about your family to Russian pranksters instead of your 17-year-old Swedish environment activist mate. Whoops!

Ahh... yeah, it is!

In other news, Prince Andrew is refusing to cooperate with US officials (still) when it comes to chatting any kind of truth about former mate Jeffrey Epstein. Despite publically agreeing to cooperate should he be asked, US attorney Geoffrey Berman is finding it hard to slip into Andy’s DM’s. Andrew is clearly shitting himself so he gets on the blower to Julian Assange and asks for the deets of his extradition lawyer. Shit mate, this is not looking good for you.

Finally, Liz has cracked the sads and used the oldest trick in the book for having to go into self isolation - world health pandemic! Christ, why didn’t we think of that?! Any excuse to spend the week in your soft pants binge-watching The Crown. We see you Liz and we get it. Pour yourself another GnT babes. Hope you’ve got enough loo paper!

Until next week, see you all of a sudden!

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