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Royal Recap - Week Three

So ev’rybody is locked in their houses trying not to overdose on Tik Tok videos, but THIS guy is living for ScoMo’s press conferences and it’s almost worth the indefinite house arrest. This week the Royal family is proving to be a form of light relief in the news cycle which must make the press secretary feel like a National hero! As we battle through coronavirus let the Windsor-Mountbatten family bring some light entertainment to your day.

Charlie’s got the C

Well shit, Prince Charles has got the C which isn’t that different to getting the D. Obviously we are talking about Charlie getting the horrid Covid-19, cos what the else would we be chatting about this week… next month, maybe even next year. After spending a whole week in lock down with Camilla he finally decided he’d had enough of that crow and all the meme’s blowing up the group chat. Camilla remains in iso at Balmoral while *Charlie is taking this time to set up his own Tik Tok account and take control of his narrative. (*denotes fake news)

BoJo has had the C as well and even the Queen is looking at hacking into the Cabinet meeting hosted via Zoom call just to see what those little bastards are up to. Spending her cash and chatting shit no doubt.

'Yes that's right dear, I am IMMORTAL!'

The people’s choice award

In better news, Rossy favourite Instagram account Town and Country has been getting people to vote on their favourite tiaras and this is exactly the kind of iso content we need. Now for a bit of background - before Harry and Megs got hitched, the Queen had a word to Harry about the requests Meg sent to Buckingham Palace re:‘bestest tiara you’ve got a’right!’ Basically, Biz told Megs to get stuffed and then the world of Tiara protocol was exposed to the commoners and maybe this was the start of it all..? Maybe not getting the tiara she requested was the straw that broke Maghan’s dutiful royal back?

Harry and Megxit

The world's highest paid graphic designer is currently destroying all raw files of ‘Sussex Royal’ logos as the March 31 deadline marks the day Harry and Megs are officially of the Royal-gold-plated clock. After Harry’s plan to negotiate the terms of his birthright with his grandmother backfired he’s now facing what the rest of the world describes as werk. Not to mention being left with the renovation bill from his marital home Frogmore cottage, a newborn and an out of work actress wife. Sigh. The whole world is praying that Disney coin be dropping in your account pronto because it sounds like Bob Chapek will be all ‘Don’t call us, we’ll call you’ after - quote, unquote - Meghan sucks.

Can’t wait for next week…

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