Due to a lack of any kind of scandal, marital celebration or bridge openings happening anywhere in the world involving any person of royal descent, we are now creating a content stream titled: ‘Royals Doing Things’. There is no time frame, meaning we may well start rolling out old images of Princess Diana heading to the gym in her oversized retro activewear. While we are on that 80’s fashion moment, might we just add that Diana was ahead of her time. The likes of Beyonce and Kim Kardashian West have no idea the paths Diana paved in terms of using lycra and fleece fabrics for high-end-soft-pant-couture. No bloody idea! But besides that, there is also very little criteria on what we consider ‘doing things’. For example, perhaps someone had an affair with an abdicated King? We’ll consider that. Accidentally find some nude sepia photographs of the Queen's sister? Go on then. Marry a divorced American, who in turn convinces you to give up your birthright for a romanticised lifestyle, that sees you donate your blue-blooded talents to an animated children’s television show? Please take a seat.
First, up for LK and Rossy’s ‘Royals Doing Things’ ...thing, we have Harry, doing commoner things. The son and brother to the future King(s) of England, has banked his first Netflix credit by loaning his voice to a British television program, Thomas the Tank Engine. The much-loved children’s animated series that includes talking trains and a relentlessly catchy theme song is now featuring the vocal talents of the former shining hope of the modern monarchy.
According to a press statement, Harry donated his appearance fee to a charity in exchange for his services as the narrator of the 75th-anniversary special episode. Introducing the episode, which also features animations of his granny, the Queen and a young Prince Charles as passengers waiting to board a train at Sodor. This is Harry’s first unpaid entertainment gig since cashing in his government-issued British passport. He is reportedly particularly chuffed to be involved in this project stating he has:
'Fond memories of growing up with Thomas & Friends and being transported to new places through his adventures.'
Originally a book series, Thomas and Friends became a TV series in 1984 and was for many years narrated by Ringo Starr who is also considered British royalty - of the music variety. Starr was knighted by Harry’s brother, Prince William in 2018 for his services to the music industry. We only hope that Thomas and Friends will continue to transport Harry to new appropriately remunerated places.
Speaking of remuneration, Prince Andrew has, once again, been caught up ‘doing bad things’. A former palace staffer has spilt the tea on ‘Air Miles’ Andy’s treatment of a footman in response to opening the curtains and greeting the Prince with a ‘Good morning your royal highness’. In true Prince Andrew style he replied with a ‘F&%K Off!’ whilst simultaneously claiming to be not at all in the room but at a Pizza Express in Woking. No doubt Prince Andrew will be once again vehemently denying his actions if this were to reflect badly on his royal status in any way.
You know we are getting desperate for content when Prince Andrew gets a mention! If this pandemic lasts much longer we may have to slide into a very grey area where we acknowledge what LK Morris has always known to be true. That she and her alter ego ‘Nancy’ are in fact also royalty.