Royals Doing Things - Part Two

Updated: May 12, 2020

Master Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor turned single digits this week! The Sussex’s (???) celebrated with a sneaky insta vid of storytime. It was pretty cute, but Archie bless him, doesn’t seem very good at reading - or even holding - books. Meghan predictably looks mega babin’ which is kind of boring but it’s quarantine time so we’ll let it slide.

In other Megxit related updates, Harry and Megs still haven’t terminated and they bloody well should because the Queen told them to ages ago. And we’re not the only ones scolding them. The Atlantic (see: credible journalism) got in on the action this week with an article that touted Harry and Megs’ departure as “most complicated, self-involved, grandiose, shortsighted, letter of partial, fingers-crossed resignation in history.” I mean … are they wrong?

Meanwhile, Fergie took a break from filming to put care packages together for front line workers. Eugenie was there too, we suspect she’s actually quarantining with the Duchess at the mo, which can only be a good thing. We don’t think Fergie’s particular brand of insanity is one that should be left alone with all the xanax and children’s books and Eugenie seems to be one of the most shit-together royals of late.

Speaking of shit together, Kate tooks some photos of Charlotte (who as previously discussed, has outstanding facial expressions). Mama Kate also wore some expensive earrings on a Zoom call and honestly we thought people would be mad about it but so far the internet just wants to know where to buy the earrings which is a weird thing to want during the apocalypse but we’re trying hard not to judge. OK, we’re judging a little because if Meghan pulled that shit, it would have been total mayhem and the trolls may very well have taken to burning all earrings in protest. Sigh.

Town and Country are still over here trying to make Princess Sophie happen. The Countess of Wessex has been out and about in very un-glam masks doing genuinely helpful things and we’re all for it but if she wants to climb the royal power rankings, she might have to get a bit weirder with it. We’re not talking illegitimate babies or abdication, but maybe a sneaky dig at Andrew over twitter or something. Perhaps she could dye her hair fuschia during iso. Sophie, we need you to know you have options.

What else? Wills has offered to let air ambulances treating coronavirus patients refuel on the lawn at Kensington Palace, which is super chill of him. Meanwhile, the Express is running a story about how Biz and Philip think Charles is too “spiritual” to be King. We’re pretty sure that even if this was true, Charles wouldn’t give a shit because at this late stage Biz and Philip will probs be grateful if anyone takes the throne next. We reckon they’re about two years away from having to add on a set of steak knives before someone will willingly take that thing and run with it. Actually, Sophie would probably do it if they asked nicely. Bless you, Soph.

See you guys next week?

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