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Royals Doing Things - Week Four


Rossy can’t handle another Zoom call with Wills and Kate. They don’t even do the ‘Bingo Lingo’. Is it too much to ask that the wife of the future King say ‘Down on your knees - 43’ when calling a game of bingo to old farts via a web-based video conference platform? Is it..?!


Anyway, thank goodness for Megxit and the ongoing feud that the British press continues to invent between Meghan and Kate. This time we are heading back to a time when we only cared about Meghan’s wedding, her dress, the seating plan and if she was going to go with the traditional fruit cake or some bullshit vegan-based elderflower thing. Of course, she wouldn’t go traditional! Tradition has no place in the British royal family and that is exactly why Meghan didn’t want her bridesmaids and flower girls wearing tights.


GASP! (... that’s Kate sitting quietly in the corner of Givenchy before she knocks back her 3rd glass of bubbles!)


‘It’s royal protocol’ scowls Kate under her breath.

Insert eye roll from Meghan.


So, apparently Kate cracked the shits about Charlotte, daughter to the future King and 4th in line to the throne (like she could actually be Queen one day, guys) not wearing tights to be a flower girl at Meghan’s wedding. According to royal protocol, it is not mandatory for members of the royal family to wear tights, but it is considered a respectful alternative. Charlotte seldom is seen sans tights but some days not even Kate or her lady in waiting can wrestle with a spirited child such as Charlotte. Charlotte has left the house in bare legs prior to this occasion, but this is absolutely the most high profile and Granny Biz would defs been judgy about Kate’s ability to parent when witnessing the bare legs of her great-grandchild. Anyway, in the end, Meghan gets her way (what a fucking surprise) and Charlotte is photographed at an official event without her royal legwear!


Two years later this story surfaces and Rossy is possibly the only person apart from Page Six and Kensington Palace who gives a shit. And you apparently. But this is also allegedly the big bust-up that started the rift between the Cambridges and the Sussexs. We all know what happens next… Anyone who’s had an annoying sister in law to be pipe up at a bridal fitting will totally get this and perhaps that’s why our good friends at the British tabloids are bringing it up. Nothing sells papers like infuriating relatability… and sex. Amirite?!


Kate, however, is pretty loose about other royal protocols or ‘respectful alternatives’ such as the ‘only nude coloured nail varnish’ rule that Queen Biz herself follows religiously having worn the same shade, Essie - Ballet Slippers, since 1989. And she doesn’t mind taking her snotty nosed kids with her on holiday despite and also letting George stay up late to meet the Obama’s one time. Soooo, judgy wudgy was a bear.

That’s all we got for this week.



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