Turns out, while we’ve all been drooling over the adventures of Harry and Meghan these last few years, shit has quietly been getting weird in Malaysia.
Meet Muhammad V. Born in 69, he was first married in 2004 and divorced in 2008. Then he married a lady named Diana in 2010. In 2017, he got his turn to be King of Malaysia. Amazing. Imagine the excitement of picking up the keys to the palace for the first time, doing a walk through and deciding which room you should put your throne in. Truly iconic.
Here’s where shit gets weird. In 2018, Muhammad V married Oksana Voevodina (Miss Moscow 2015 thank you very much). Oh we hear you ask, dear reader, “but when did he divorce Diana?”
To this day, we don’t even know. Infact, the only proof we have that he married Oksana are some grainy Russian tabloid photos -- no palace statement, no fancy regal reception. But wait, there’s more.
We know now that two days after the nuptials, when Muhammad was in the shower, his new wife answered a call on his phone from a man named Bob. Except that Bob was actually wife 2 Diana calling to give Oksana an ear slogging for stealing her husband she claimed she was still married to. When Muhammad was questioned about this, he gave a vague non answer in only the way a monarch can.
THEN a few months later, Oksana (wife 3 - keep up!) and Muhammed welcome a bloody adorable son but nek minut Muhammad filed for divorce in the most offensive way possible and denies paternity of the child. Naturally, Oksana deals with this upheaval by selling her story to the Russian press and becoming iconic on instagram.
OOOOOH wait we forgot to mention that amongst all this chaos Muhammad also became the first Malaysian King ever to abdicate and he did it without giving any reasons because fuck you and your reasons.
Dear reader, this story ain’t over to stay tuned.